Pennsylvania certified the 2024 presidential election results on Tuesday without any threats of violence or schemes to submit a slate of fake electors. The routine event stood in stark contrast to what happened four years ago.
It also prompted some tongue-in-cheek musing from this board. Because in these dark times, you have to laugh to keep from crying.
In that spirit, it appears that there are some new ground rules for presidential elections in Pennsylvania: When Donald Trump wins, it is free and fair. But when he loses, it is stolen.
Since Trump won with a whopping 49.97% of the vote this year, there will be no need for an insurrection.
Someone please call State Sen. Doug Mastriano. Tell him to cancel the bus to Washington for Jan. 6, and make sure he gets back the deposit.
What’s that? Yes, Mastriano can still wear his Confederate uniform to the inauguration.
And tell Rudy Giuliani to nix the reservations at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. He was no help anyway. Didn’t he lose every lawsuit? His loyalty got him indicted, bankrupt, and disbarred.
Also, reach out to Jeffrey Clark. Hard to believe he is from Philly. Let him know his home state came through this time and there is no need for the U.S. Justice Department to launch a phony investigation.
See if Clark can call his pal, Rep. Scott Perry. He must have a new number since the FBI seized his phone. Tell him future FBI head Kash Patel will give it back after he weakens the country’s security by pushing to fire a bunch of career prosecutors.
Perry almost lost his seat to a local newscaster. Can you imagine a TV personality holding a seat of power in Washington?
That reminds us, check on Pete Hegseth. That was some email his mom sent saying he was an “abuser of women” who “belittles, lies, cheats, sleeps around, and uses women for his own power and ego.”
What an endorsement! She didn’t even mention the financial mismanagement.
Too bad about Matt Gaetz. Apparently, there is a minimum job requirement for some key posts. Just don’t tell Tulsi Gabbard, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Mehmet Oz, Kristi Noem, Linda McMahon, or Patel.
But there will be no rounding up of the usual suspects like Bill Barr and Mark Meadows. They are so red MAGA.
Dark MAGA is in now. Get ready for retribution, tariffs, and mass deportation.
“Will be wild,” indeed.
It’s hard to believe Sleepy Joe didn’t steal the election again. How did Biden even pull it off in 2020? He was in his Delaware basement the whole time while people were doing their own research about the pandemic and injecting bleach and taking ivermectin.
Here we are, four years later, Biden has all the levers of power, yet somehow decides not to steal the 2024 election? Talk about losing a step.
It sure felt like another steal was coming.
Fortunately, Leon “call me Elon” Musk stepped up bigly. The billionaire was a misinformation machine. He retweeted false claims about noncitizens registering to vote in Pennsylvania, Texas, and Arizona (not to mention the $260 million or so he spent on backing Trump).
Deepfakes, falsehoods, lots of memes. That’s not even counting the election interference from the Russians and Chinese.
In the end, enough people bought it, and not just Trump’s beloved poorly educated.
Yes, Pennsylvania certified the election with no questions asked. And just like that, the 2024 election was unrigged, and a convicted criminal will soon be in the Oval Office.
When you win, there’s no fraud. But when you lose, the country gets dragged through hell.
