Your awful manager may actually be the death of you.
It’s no secret that a bad boss can make your job harder — and make you miserable. But it’s not just the Sunday Scaries you need to look out for: A narcissistic boss can have a serious impact on your health, too.
Even if they’re initially charming, good-natured and seem to align with your values, these employers actually have ulterior motives, according to therapist and certified narcissistic abuse treatment clinician Melissa Croy.
“These efforts are part of a calculated operation to determine your vulnerabilities, values and priorities, which are likely to be weaponized in the future,” Croy told The Post. And if it gets bad enough, it can take a physical toll.
How do you know if your boss is a narcissist? There are lots of traits to look for — including nonverbal ones. They may be insensitive, drop names, break rules, blame others for failure and be reluctant to give you or steal credit for your work.
Bosses who only think of themselves eventually use these vulnerabilities to gradually increase hypercritical commentary, going on to damage your self-worth, self-esteem and your confidence in your capabilities, Croy explained.
“A narcissistic boss will also weaponize your values and priorities, challenging your identity and very character as well as threatening desired opportunities,” she said. “Narcissistic bosses may demand unrealistic expectations, unattainable quality of work and impossible deadlines.”
A pathological narcissist can wear down your well-being through constant abuse that builds up stress, eventually affecting your mental health. If it gets bad enough and goes on for long enough, that stress can lead to chronic post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
PTSD can cause nervous system dysregulation, irritability, social anxiety, shame, hopelessness and an increased risk for self-harm or suicide.
Job’s a pain?
And it’s not all “in your head” — those mental struggles can creep through your body, too.
“The narcissistic abuse isn’t just at the workplace, it goes home with you,” she said. “Just being on edge all of the time… puts our body into a stress response a lot more than it would be if there weren’t this type of abuse.”
Physical symptoms can be wide-ranging:
- Sleep issues, including nightmares, night terrors, trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much
- Heart problems, including increased heart rate, chest tightness, dizziness, lightheadedness, and an increased risk of high blood pressure, heart disease and high cholesterol.
- Fight-or-flight response, including sweating and shortness of breath
- Musculoskeletal inflammation resulting in joint pain, headaches and muscle tension, as well as exacerbating any previously existing pain.
- Stomach issues, including nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, indigestion, gas and stomach pain
What can you do about it?
Since staying in the heightened state of panic all the time isn’t sustainable, Croy says getting back to the rest-and-digest function (or our parasympathetic nervous system) is critical to relax and recover after a stressful event.
“Work towards maintaining relationships and work/life balance, engaging in pleasant activities and reconnecting to your own values and identity,” she offered.
She also recommends regular exercise to not only reduce stress, but to also increase self-worth and esteem and rebuild the confidence to change your circumstances.
Documenting objective facts of your experiences with a narcissist can also be useful to increase clarity on what actually happened, especially with gaslighting or manipulation, or if legal action comes into play.
And if therapy is necessary, she suggests working with a therapist well-versed in narcissistic personality disorder and the associated abuse, as other therapists “may unintentionally misread the abusive dynamics at play… and offer recommendations which may be invalidating at best and dangerous at worst.”
