If your ability to connect with others feels a little rusty post-pandemic, adding “social fitness” to your workout routine might be just what you need.
Just like maintaining physical fitness, keeping your social skills sharp requires effort, according to Dr. Kathryn Smerling, psychotherapist and author of “Learning to Play Again: Rediscovering Our Early Selves to Become Better Adults.”
Smerling refers to this as “social fitness” — the practice of maintaining mental health and nurturing positive relationships. She broke down the concept for The Post and shared some of her tips for both strengthening existing connections and building new ones.
The health benefits of social fitness
Next time you’re feeling the pangs of FOMO, keep in mind: Getting out and spending time with friends and loved ones could boost your health.
“It’s been proven that positive relationships are the thing, as we get older, that serves as the foundation for longer living and happier lives,” Smerling said. “Strong relationships can help to reduce anxiety, depression and even chronic illnesses.”
Scientists are still investigating the biological factors behind the health benefits of social connections. They’ve discovered that friendship can protect us by altering how we respond to stress, which can negatively impact our bodies in various ways, including affecting our coronary arteries, gut function, insulin regulation and immune system.
Strong relationships also provide mental health benefits, offering social support, boosting self-esteem and fostering a sense of belonging. These connections trigger the release of “good hormones” like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, promoting feelings of contentment, calm, trust and connection.
“When we don’t have positive relationships in our lives or we are not practicing social fitness, loneliness and isolation can run rampant,” Smerling said.
These issues can be highly detrimental to our mental and physical well-being, particularly as we age. Lacking social connections has been linked to a range of health problems, including mental distress, insomnia, weakened immune function, cardiovascular issues and cognitive decline in later life and increased mortality.
In one study, researchers found that the risk of premature death for middle-aged people who lived alone and had no visitors increased by 39%, compared to those who had daily visits from family and friends.
Notably, engaging in activities with people who aren’t close friends or family didn’t reduce the risk, suggesting that deeper, more meaningful connections are far more beneficial for health than casual interactions.
The health dangers of loneliness have become even more pressing as the US grapples with a connection crisis, which was worsened by the pandemic. In 2023, former US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declared loneliness a public health epidemic.
A recent survey from the American Psychiatric Association found that in early 2024, 30% of adults reported experiencing feelings of loneliness at least once a week over the past year, with 10% saying they felt lonely every day. Young people were the most likely to report such feelings.
How to improve your social fitness
Smerling’s top tip for improving your social fitness? Prioritize live interactions with others.
This can be as simple as going to lunch with a friend or taking a walk with a family member. You could even reach out to someone you haven’t seen in a while and check in with them.
“This does not have to be complicated — and just like a muscle, the more you ‘work out’ your social fitness, the easier it becomes,” Smerling said.
In her book, Smerling explains how we learn to build relationships with people outside of our immediate circles as children but, as adults, often forget how to be spontaneous and curious. This, she said, can hinder the ability to make deeper connections.
“As adults, we have to embrace the curiosity and spontaneity that are natural hallmarks of childhood,” Smerling told The Post. “Doing this allows us to become more open and playful, which keeps us young and makes building connections more natural.”
If you’re looking to expand your social circle, Smerling recommends joining an activity that encourages interaction, such as a book club, running group or pottery class.
Once there, try setting small goals for yourself, like introducing yourself to two new people or asking one person for their phone number to meet up again.
While many turn to the internet for interaction these days, Smerling insists nothing beats face-to-face connections.
“Social fitness means prioritizing real relationships or creating authentic relationships with people in face-to-face situations, not just online,” she said.
