Sarah Shahi has no regrets about providing tips and advice about sexually explicit topics — including oral sex and orgasms — in her new advice book.
In her Us Weekly cover story, Shahi, 46, addressed her decision to devote entire chapters in Life Is Lifey, which is out now, to sex education, saying, “[When I was on Sex/Life], so many women reached out that were like, ‘I’ve never had an orgasm.’ There were so many aspects of women when it came to their physicality and their body and their desire that they had ignored for so long.”
Shahi had hope that her experiences would help others.
“Personally, I was never promiscuous. I didn’t learn about anatomy until later on in my life, and men — and that was something that did feel very intimidating to me,” she noted. “After Sex/ Life, it just kind of came back full circle to me: This is human nature, and pleasure is a birthright. We’re not here to simply service, but we’re here to be serviced as well.”
Sex/Life aired on Netflix from 2021 to 2023 and followed a housewife who was suffering from a severe midlife crisis. While filming the show, Shahi went through her own changes in her personal life when she ended her marriage to Steve Howey.
“What’s the point of hardship if you’re not able to share your story with somebody else? I refuse to believe that the pain I experienced was for nothing, so that became my driving force in talking about the hard things,” Shahi told Us. “The chapters where I talk about orgasms and b*** j*** was something I questioned because I thought it would be looked upon poorly. But the minute I’m afraid to do something, that’s a signal to go ahead.”
Shahi’s book relied on her personal stories to offer insight to others. One chapter detailed b*** j*** tips she learned when she moved to Los Angeles in the early 2000s. Shahi credited a two-day seminar that helped her gain confidence in the sex act, which she then performed on her boyfriend at the time who was “ten years older, desirable, and a critically acclaimed (in his mind) B+ movie star.”
The actress also devoted a separate section to the importance of orgasms, writing, “After [Sex/Life] premiered, what hit me the hardest was learning how many women have never experienced an orgasm. Studies show that up to half of women aren’t satisfied with how often they reach that biological imperative. …. After years of extensive personal research (you’re welcome), I’ve realized that embracing your sexuality is like unlocking the cheat code to your best self.”
While reflecting on the contents of Life Is Lifey, Shahi stood by her decision.
“I became the poster child for unhappily married women overnight [through Sex/Life]. And doing something like that allowed me to connect with so many people,” she shared. “This connected me to the audience on such a heart/soul level. That kind of connection is so rare, and I’m very grateful for that. It’s something that, moving forward, the projects that I want to align with have elements of that too — real personal, heartfelt connection.”
Shahi expressed hope that others learn from her mistakes, adding, “I really hope that people have the courage to live their lives as truthfully as they can. That’s literally what I want. I really want people to have the guts to live authentically and to not worry about what people think.”
She concluded: “I wrote this book to heal myself. I never expected it to make the splash that it’s making. But my point in writing it is, there was so much lightness that came from me finally doing me that I would love for other people to experience that same kind of feeling.”
Life Is Lifey: The A to Z’s on Navigating Life’s Messy Middle is out now.
