As I hurry along the spa’s corridors, I try to hold my breath: “Don’t cough again, don’t cough again!” I goad myself.
My chest rises and I let out a wheeze, swiftly followed by a cough. I’m doubling over now, legs crossed.
The bathroom’s not too far, I think and wheeze, and lunge towards its door with my body now in some kind of weird acrobatic contortion.
Is it too late?
Continuing hurriedly along the corridor regardless of what’s happening, my cheeks flush as I feel a gushing flow trickle down my thigh, over my ankle and into my left ballet pump. It is too late. The worst is happening — I didn’t make the bathroom.
I’ve wet myself again.
In this moment, I’m horrified. The now cool piddle swimming in my pump as I purposefully stare at the floor, not wanting to know who can see me. My knickers are sodden. My shame-game is strong.
It’s not the first time, nor the last.
The mornings are the worst when my asthma starts — cough, cough, gush! Cough, cough, gush. It seems I’m destined to sit in a wet patch every morning on the sofa. It smells, it’s undignified and as I reach for a sponge and soap to clean it up, my partner has noticed a wet patch.
I’m mortified.
It was on the day after my incident at the spa, though, in a public space, when I finally decided to do something about it.
That was two years ago, at 43 years old, and I’ve since added adult diapers to my weekly grocery shop and have been wearing them irregularly since.
These affordable cushions that sit snugly around my buttocks are a saving grace, and comfortable if not a little bulky.
It’s more common than you think
Like about 25 million adult Americans, I am incontinent.
My incontinence is stress-related, the most common type — I get it alongside asthma flare-ups and need to mop up my rogue widdles with the largely-ridiculed diaper.
According to Dr. Michael Genovese, MD, is Chief Medical Advisor at AscendantNY, stress-related incontinence can happen when intense physical pressure is placed on the pelvic floor during chronic coughing or wheezing episodes, as well as things like laughing or exercising.
“When you cough, your intra-abdominal pressure rises sharply and suddenly and if the pelvic floor muscles or the urethral sphincter are not strong enough to counteract this downward force, a small amount of urine can escape,” Genovese told The Post.
“This is most common in women due to anatomical factors, but it also frequently affects older adults or individuals who have experienced pelvic surgery.”
Incontinence affects more women than men, agrees Aleece Fosnight, a medical advisor at Aeroflow Urology who specializes in urology.
“It happens especially during pregnancy or after childbirth, in perimenopause, or post-menopause due to genitourinary hormonal deficiencies,” she said. “Incontinence also happens to people with chronic respiratory conditions, athletes or individuals with high-impact activity levels — the list goes on.”
“It’s important to remember that this is not just an aging issue, and younger individuals with poorly controlled asthma or recurrent flares can experience leakage as well,” she added.
Though stress incontinence is the most common type — especially in women — there’s also urge incontinence, often called an “overactive bladder.” It can be recognized by frequent, immediate needs to use the bathroom and leaking within seconds of that urge.
Other types include overflow incontinence — in which the bladder doesn’t empty completely, leading to pee dribbling out — and functional incontinence, where illnesses or disabilities prevent someone from getting to the bathroom.
Flushing taboos down the toilet
It is estimated that 200-300 million people worldwide wet themselves, yet many will never see a doctor simply because they feel embarrassed.
Due to the lack of discussion about it — and I’m talking about stigma across all corners of the globe — there may be many more people suffering from incontinence than experts even know.
This, coupled with stigma, are just a few good reasons for going public with my incontinence — helping others in a similar situation feel less alone, and encouraging them to seek the support they need.
As I come to terms with my own wet patch, which I now manage with diapers, I’ve had to learn to laugh at myself and my enormous Donald Duck-diaper-butt swishing through the door when I wear my diaper with leggings.
Opening up about it to friends and family, I’ve found they relate — they get it too! Or know someone who has — it’s always good to talk.
The good news is there are many effective options, and people don’t have to just “live with it.”
The most common interventions are pelvic floor exercises or physical therapy. A few lifestyle changes, like losing weight, may also help. If those don’t work, specialists may recommend graduating to devices like a pessary or urethral inserts before turning to surgical options.
So tell a doctor about your concerns, talk about it, pull on that diaper and shake that Donald Duck-shaped-diaper-butt.
My tips:
- Buy diapers in bulk or use subscription services for significantly lower cost.
- For lighter leakage, absorbent pads or liners are often more comfortable and less expensive than full briefs.
- Consider protective underwear, which you can get from Amazon, Target, Walmart or CVS.
